


Winter Doldrums

by super__novaaa



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bullying, Childhood Trauma, Drabble, M/M, Minor Violence, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 01:00:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30097869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/super__novaaa/pseuds/super__novaaa
Summary: She has the same eyes as you that longs for freedom and happiness.The freedom that you've achieved,and the happiness I've taken away from you,Hyunsuk-ah.
Relationships: Choi Hyunsuk/Park Jihoon
Kudos: 10





	Winter Doldrums

“What are you even doing, Hyunji? I told you, right? The main role was supposed to be mine to begin with, why did you come to the audition and snatch my opportunity to finally be recognize?!” The girl in a full-covered make up, Eun-ki, screamed out of madness. She raised her hand to slap the poor girl that trapped herself by the walls of the school's garage. “You goody-two-shoes freak!”

  
Eun-ki and her friends were about to slap Hyunji when they heard footsteps coming towards their direction that made them halt their steps to slap the wounded girl. 

  
“Hyun-ji?”

  
When they heard the voice, the girls automatically glared at Hyunji before storming out of the scene. Meanwhile, when the bullies are nowhere near Hyunji, her legs gave up and she fell onto her knees, crying endlessly.

  
“Why...” She whispered helplessly, feeling the pain on his cheek because of the slap Eun-ki gave her earlier. She always get into this kind of situations, despite how many times she tries to think in a positive way, she just couldn't get herself out of this awful situation of being scarred for life.

“Hyun-ji? Hey? Are you there?” The voice from earlier began to become louder, a signal that he is nearly seeing his daughter in a total mess. 

  
It was her father, and she cannot let her own father witness how a hoard of mess and unpleasant her life while he's away. She doesn't want to burden her father anymore. No, she will never let her own father, her only reason the live, see how miserable her life is.

  
So she ran. 

“Hyunji! Yah!”

  
And _run._

  
Run until her apprehensive steps and shaking knees can't help but to give up. She just want to get away from despondency her own life has been giving her. She is so done with people trying to dictate how to live her life, and she's done trying to fit herself to the society she never see as home to comfortably be natural. 

  
The life she wanted to live, was long _gone_.

  
It felt hours of running away from her responsibilities, and hours of trying to find a better place to let herself explode. 

  
A better place to be gone, for God knows how long. Or maybe, _forever?_

  
Her knees wobble as she took steps towards the seashore. Hyun-ji fell on her knees, being hypnotized with the waves of the sea as if she's being invited to swim her heart out. It's as if she just want to let herself to step on the sea, let her emotions flow away like the sea waves, the sea breezes at the afternoon taking away her winter doldrums along the lines of being gone. 

  
She wanted it to stop, and take her in any way possible. Just let the pain of accumulated heartbreaks from the past get away from her soul.

  
She continued her slow pace, not thinking what will happen once the water will flow her body away. She just wanted the pain to stop. So she slowly take steps towards the sea, not minding how crumpled and messy her uniform with dirt all over it. Her milky-skin didn't succeed to hide every scar and wound she got from all the beatings. She never failed to hide it from his father, because she is so good at hiding everything from his soft-heartened father she will always cherish.

  
And maybe it's time to let her father live his own life, without minding some miserable brat along the way.

  
“Hey,”

Her footsteps stopped when she felt a soft hand on her head which made her look at the owner's face. She was greeted with a smile, speaking happy eyes with a mole on his cheek, and dark brown-haired guy on a plain winter get-up. 

  
“The water is cold, kid. Don't you think?” The guy in his mid-30's, smiled at the high school girl beside him. He then looked at the sea with his eyes full of hope. “The sun will set soon, are you here to see the view, hmm?”

  
The kid beside him didn't budge, which made him think that it's the other way around. So he whispered, “Who the hell will go to the sea in the middle of the winter season just to see the sunset, Park Jihoon?”

  
“I will,” finally, the girl spoke that resulted for the guy named Jihoon looked at her. But her eyes are nowhere near his'. 

  
“Is the seawater really cold, Mister?” 

  
And Jihoon was right. It's the other way around.

  
Jihoon, the guy on a thick winter clothes sadly took his eyes away from the kid. He can feel the sadness and darkness from the girl's aura which made him think what made the poor girl be pessimistic?

“How old are you, kid?” He asked, not taking off his eyes away from the view.

  
“16, Mister.” 

  
Man, she had it rough at such a young age. Jihoon thought. 

  
“Are you planning to jump?” Not even a single hesitation can be heard from Jihoon when he asked that question. It made the girl move from her place and looked at the older guy.

He didn't get a reply from the younger girl, so he continued talking. “Mind if I ask what makes you think that your life is meaningless to end it, kid?”

A long silence enveloped between the two. The wind whispered many times and dances along with their hair locks. Jihoon stood silent, waiting for the kid to speak herself up. He doesn't want to pressure the girl to open up, so he pats the girl's head before smiling.

  
“I can see through you,” he said while giving her a warm smile. “I wish I could find another way to tell you that you're not alone, kid. Go open up to someone you find comfortable—”

  
“I'm having a hard time in school,” Hyun-ji suddenly interrupted him without looking at his eyes. Jihoon's eyes fixated to the young girl's saddened ones. They're too beautiful to cry because of pressure, and despite the familiarity Jihoon felt in the kid's eyes, he stood silent, listening to the girl's heavy breaths.

“I've been falling short of the daughter and the student I promised my dad I've become,” Finally, Hyun-ji spoke. Her eyes are coated with nothing but sadness, and it somehow pained Jihoon. He doesn't know why but there's something in the girl's familiar shape of eyes that aches him. 

  
“Ever since my first year in highschool, I've been getting a lot of hates and been into a lot of uncomplimentary situations that I don't even know if I even deserve such things. Despite having good grades and hardworks to get people's trust, I still can't change the fact that they find me annoying and an outcast. They're too fixated with the lies those bullies spread around the school about my father, and didn't even gave me a chance to explain myself. I wanted my father to have a daughter he always deserve, like how hardworking and loving he is, he deserves someone who can make him proud. And I am just his mistake from the past, who am I to meet those expectations?” She then shook her head while trying to conceal her emotions. 

  
“I've been living the life my father never wanted me to be. A weakling.”

  
“Does your father pressure you to be a perfect daughter?” Jihoon asked discreetly, and it did hit Hyun-ji's mind. She heaved a sigh before shaking her head, thinking what does Jihoon wanted to say.

  
Jihoon smiled reassuringly, “Then you don't have to be it.”

  
Hyun-ji automatically looked at the smiling guy beside her with perplexed reaction. Jihoon just smiled at her while patting her back, wanting to show comfort and assurance the troubled girl.

  
“If you're doing these for your father despite the fact that he did not ask you to be a perfect one, you're a good daughter.” He briefly said, eyes on the view once again. “If he's the reason for all the good things you wanted to achieve, that's more than enough to make your father happy.”

  
“It is not your responsibility to prove yourself to everyone when the only person that matters to you is your father. You're not obligated to explain yourself to everyone and prove your worth when all this time, all you did were things that satisfies other people's desires, and not yours. You cannot let people think that they're ahead of you and paint you as someone you never wanted to be, kid. You've had enough of people's shit, right?” Jihoon never let his smile fade away as he darted his gaze at the puffy eyes of the girl. 

  
“You still have a bright future ahead of you, kid. If you wanted to make yourself a better version of you as a gift to your father, never give any damn to the people that makes you feel like shit. You have control over your life, and you're the one that chooses the way you perceive things yourself, like how you put pressure on yourself. I mean, even your father doesn't demand you to be a perfect daughter, who the hell are those people that dictates you to be one? Give me their names and I'll beat the hell out of them.” He gritted his teeth jokingly while punching the air which resulted for the girl beside her to laugh softly, and it made him stop.

  
Hyun-ji laughed at his joking manner, and Jihoon looked at the familiar eyes of the girl as if he has seen it before. Those smiling eyes.

“See? You look prettier when you smile! Look, people faces different types of uncertainties in life. You have your father as your anchor and friend too, you don't have to think that you're alone. You are more than those words people dictated you to be,” The older man smiled genuinely once again as he can still feel the familiarity in Hyun-ji's eyes as if he already saw it somewhere. 

  
“To ache is to live, I remember somebody from my past saying those same words to help me regain the life I wanted to waste too.” Hyun-ji looked at the older's eyes while the latter's orbs are observing the cold sea water dancing along with the waves and wind.

  
“This is the first time I've given the chance to talk to somebody like how he talked to me, saving me from my dark thoughts and held me up high to see the beauty of life. I'm happy that despite not having the chance to say thank you to that guy, I know he would be so happy that I've given you things to remember. Like how beautiful life can be, kid.” Jihoon remembered somebody from his unforgotten memories of a 36 years old man. 

“So, kid, please promise me that you'll start over again. What now if you fell over and failed? Does that make you less of a person, or a daughter? No, right? So go live the life you wanted to live.” He tapped the girl's shoulder while smiling widely.

Hyun-ji felt the assurance and solace she always wanted ever since day one. The warmth of Jihoon's eyes calm her systems down. Her pent up emotions faded as she listens to Jihoon's words while observing the sea. She realized how free the sea is. That it never suffocate itself like how she pressured herself to be a perfect daughter she was never demanded to be. The sea seems peaceful, and it made her deeply move.

  
If the sea can be this free, how can she not be free too?

  
“What's your name, kid?” Jihoon asked. 

  
“Choi Hyun-ji, Jihoon-ssi.” The girl briefly answered before smiling at the older guy. “Thank you so much, Mister.”

  
Choi Hyun-ji? The latter thought before patting the girl's head again, thinking that she is his own daughter showing her own vulnerable side. Jihoon's somehow comfortable with the girl which confuses him since he don't really get along with teens. 

  
“Your father must've raised you well, Hyun-ji. I hope you don't see yourself as a mistake from your past, rather a blessing in disguise to be your father's epitome of rest. You should go home, your parents must've bee—” Jihoon was interrupted with a familiar voice from afar.

  
“Hyun-ji ah!”

Jihoon froze. He memorized the voice like the book of World Chemistry, or like his Physics books on the farthest end of the shelves in the university. He knew it.

  
So that's why he can feel familiarity in Hyun-ji's eyes whenever she smiles? So that's the reason?

  
“Dad!” The girl waved at her father before gazing at the frozen Jihoon on her side. “Jihoon-ssi, I'll let you meet my father. I want him to know that you helped me.”

Jihoon just smiled at the girl which made the girl confused. One last time, he pats Hyun-ji's head softer than earlier before smiling purely at her.

  
“Just send my regards to your father, tell him he did a great job.” The older man wore his mask before biding a goodbye, before fixing his eyes to the figure from his left. 

  
And there he saw the same man who saved him from his darkest days, wearing a black suit looking so good as ever.

  
“I know you would raise her well, Hyunsuk. And she has the same eyes as you that longs for freedom and happiness. I'm glad she took after you, she has the best person on her side.”

  
And Hyunsuk achieved that freedom, freedom from the past that even Jihoon, the guy in a winter get-up, never experienced. 

Because despite all these years of grieving, Jihoon would recognize the same eyes that saved him yearning for death.

  
Right, to ache is still to live.

He remembered Hyunsuk saying those just before he give up everything and _left._

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading (っ´▽`)っ
> 
> half of this was based from my personal experience, the acad part and im at ease now, though my mental stability isnt just as perfect as be4, thank u so much ＼(￣▽￣;)／have a nice day!!


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